Well, it’s been an interesting week, to say the least. I’ve found that my subconscious mind has been “ruling the roost” for far too long, and doesn’t intend to give up it’s lofty position without a fight! It tries to talk me out of everything and sabotage me every step along the way. You don’t have to do your DMP, just tell them you’ve got a bad cold (true) and you’ll do it next week when you feel better. You don’t have to do a blog entry, just tell them you had writer’s block and couldn’t figure out what to write. You don’t have to say things out loud and especially with enthusiasm, what will other people think?! It’s embarrassing! And who will know if you sneak a peak on the internet after you supposedly retired for the night? What harm could that do?
I think you get the picture. So that’s what inspired the title for today’s entry. You know how they say that phrase ” LGRTR”(with enthusiasm), before the start of a boxing match? Well that’s what it’s been like all week. Like 2 heavyweight boxers standing toe to toe. In one corner the new me trying to remain calm and resolute. And in the other corner my old subby trash talking and casting doubt and fear.
I’ve experienced a lot of tragedy in my life lately. My father died. I lost my job, lost my car, my mom’s cat died and I found her dead on the floor. It’s been permeated by struggle, loss of freedom and a sense of grief over a lost way of life. And right on cue, there is my subby cautioning me that, you know you thought things couldn’t get much worse, but they can. You’re getting adjusted and used to your new way of life. Don’t rock the boat. You can settle for less. Why risk it? If you make any more changes, you could lose everything! I guess I am seeing first hand how stubborn and desperate my subby can get when it feels threatened.
So for me, now’s the time to re-evaluate and get rid of many of the possessions that are cluttering up my life and the old ways of thinking that are zapping my energy. It’s kinda scary at times, but also exhilarating.
I love this quote that I recently ran across from St. Augustine:
“A lot of truth is like a lion, you don’t have to defend it, let it loose & it will defend itself.”
So that’s all for now. See you on the other side of freedom.